"The Lord's Answer"

So, I'm almost treating this as a personal journal, of sorts.
Yesterday, God shook my soul, by speaking to me through His Word. In Habakkuk 1:5, God says

"Look (Haley)...Be UTTERLY AMAZED. For I am going to do something in your days, that you would not believe, even if you were told."

Yes. He wants to work miracles. He wants to do big things. Things I wouldn't even believe if He said He'd do it.

This Christmas season, our church's sermon series is about Miracles. This ties in perfectly with the season, as celebrate the miracle of our Savior being born to a virgin girl. We are seeking God through prayer, bigger than we ever have as a church family. Praying to an Almighty God who is bigger than anything we could ask Him for. We need not settle for tiny prayers, the ones we think God can handle. We are learning to ask for BIG stuff. Flat out, the blow-you-way-type, MIRACLE prayers.

So, my miracle? a few things tied into one...

God is doing some crazy things with Jason and I. It's exciting, but I can't lie, it's scary too. I haven't "blogged" yet about God's latest request.... Jason is feeling called to leave his banking job. Yep, you know, the good-paying/stable one. He is feeling led to work for himself. To be self-employed. More details to come, but I'll leave it at that.

Sooo... basically, this is what a miracle request (prayer) sounds like:
God show up. God, use our family for Your good. You're obviously about to shake things up some more... so USE it. Blow some minds. Lord, show your power and might. Do the unthinkable, the unbelievable! Work a MIRACLE in us.

• I am praying consistently for two certain people. Praying for restoration of their relationship with the Lord. 
• I am praying for God's direction and provision for our family. 
• I am praying for our adoption journey.
• I am praying that God uses all the above for His glory.  

So I go back to the beginning of this entry, where God spoke to me yesterday about these prayers of mine, these thoughts in my head...

Today, I read Habakkuk 2. I am blogging about yesterday's reading because of today's! God says

"Write down the revelation and make it plan on tablets... For the revelation awaits an appointed time... and it will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay."
Now, I know this has a total different meaning in this chapter of Habakkuk, He is speaking of the end times/judgement. But I felt that my revelation needed to be recorded, so that I can look back and remember God's promises.

So,  it's down on paper. Well... blogged.
Today, December 19, 2013, God promises to amaze me, and do something that I wouldn't believe. Now we must wait and watch for it. It WILL come.
Thank you, Lord, for You are so GOOD and I love You so.

Patience

It's been over a month since the last update. We are currently waiting for our social worker to finish our homestudy report. Then we can move on to the next step, USCIS approval. 

I was reading CCAI's newsletter for the month. They include statistics of children being matched each month. This picture is a clip from the website....

A lot of people assume we will adopt a girl from China, but here it is in writing and stats... More boys needing to be adopted. Confirmation that we feel our child is a boy. 

Right now, I am trying to be patient. I'm ready for all the paperwork to be finished! 

🇨🇳 Chinese writing!

So this makes it feel more real... And it excites me!!! We got our first big batch of documents back "authenticated" by the Chinese Embassy. Love seeing Chinese!

Secretary of State approval

Adoption Training

Late night adoption training online courses. He looks thrilled. 

Why the Blog?

I started this blog, because I felt the Lord was about to do a BIG thing in our family. Not only to share with our close friends and family, but I wanted this journey to be documented for our little Max.
I want Max to be able to look at this one day and see how special he is, and how our great God had his little life planned out from the beginning. I want him to have access to all the little details that I might forget.
I am not the greatest at putting my thoughts on paper... but I will try my best.
We have a lot of waiting to do... this is just the beginning. I already love you so much, Max. Jesus will hold you until I can.

Thoughts...

Jason is out of town deer hunting tonight. Anne Riley is asleep. All is quiet... Except the thoughts in my head...
I am thinking about our child in China.
Funny how God works sometimes. I beg Him to make the desires of MY heart HIS desires. Boy did He come through on that one!
See... Again, I say, this taking a leap of faith and surrendering to the calling of adoption... It's HIS plan. It wasn't ours'. It took a good bit of battling it out between us.
Now that we've said "yes", I have the greatest peace I have ever known. It feels SO right. This is what we are supposed to do. Without a doubt. I don't know the end to this story, but my Heavenly Father does.

Want to hear something else crazy?
I feel that our child will be a boy, and his name is Max. How do I know this? I don't know! I just feel it. I've felt it from the beginning. God speaks in many crazy ways, persistant thoughts, dreams, etc.
My very first thoughts of adopting, I kept picturing a boy. Boy after boy. As most girls do, I was thinking of cute names for a boy... the first one that came to me was Max. I see a little Chinese boy named "Max". I thought of more names, but I keep coming back to Max. We'll see how this turns out in the end :)

Other thoughts...
Sometimes, when I am telling a friend for the first time that we are starting the adoption process, I get a twinge of negativity that runs through my head. My thoughts are, I bet they think we are adopting because it's the new TREND... seems like so many people are adopting these days. I hope they don't think we are doing this for attention, and not the right motives. Sometimes I wonder if people believe me when I tell them we feel "called". If you've never been called by God to do something, you really can't understand it!
I worry too much about what others think. Period.
I shouldn't care. I know we are doing this because God asked us to. I would have never just planned this up on my own!
I am chosing to let go of those evil thoughts. Doubts and worries, they are not from God.
I was reminded of this verse this past week:
"Taste and see that the Lord is GOOD. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in Him!"
I have TASTED... and it is GOOD. No turning back. No turning back.

Papers, papers, confusion...

Just a workin on our dossier paperwork! 

Long list of to-do's!

A quick update:
We are in the beginnings of gathering mounds of paperwork needed to complete our dossier and homestudy.
We should be through with our face-to-face homestudy meetings with our social worker tomorrow! Yay! That is a huge check off our list.
I have contacted several CCAI adoptive familes from Mississippi and it has been awesome hearing their stories. I am craving any and all info I can get. I especially LOVE seeing pictures of their adopted children.

Sometimes I wonder to myself "what on earth are you doing?", "are you really going to go through with this?", "you already have so much trouble keeping Anne Riley under control!"...
I was talking to Jason last night about this. The Spirit quickly reminds me that this idea of adopting a child, it was God's. He started this. I have no room for worries about such things, because I know my God is Greater. My God is Stronger. He will provide everything we need.

It's official.

A LOT has happened since my last entry. We have discussed adoption with our families, close friends, and staff/pastors at church. We've been loved on, supported, prayed over, and questioned. The latter is the worst. It creates major doubt.
The greatest advice one of our pastors gave us is "Don't doubt in the dark, what God has spoken in the light."

God has called us to adopt one of His children. We have said YES.

I've spent hours reading about adoption, researching different agencies and countries, and talking with other adoptive families. Each country has specific qualifications and rules for its adoption program. How in the world do we decide where to adopt from?
I basically made a list of all the countries from different agencies. Beside each country, I jotted down why we wouldn't qualify. I was left with ETHIOPIA and CHINA. That's IT?!?
Sure made it easier for us.

Well, last week we applied for the China program. It is the stable one of the two. We were approved! Now we are getting our paperwork together to get our HomeStudy agency application turned in. We should begin the Home Study process next month!

How cool is this?.... God thing...
To adopt from China, you must be 30y/o. My 30th birthday will be March 14. We cannot turn in our "dossier" to China until after that day. The time frame given to complete Home Study as well as getting our dossier together is 5-6 months. This means we have 7 months until my birthday... Plenty of time to complete all of this without rushing! I think the timing is pretty awesome :)

Psalm 56: 3-4
"What time I am afraid,
I will trust in thee.
In God I will praise His word,
in God I have put my trust;
I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.

I'm already there.

The last couple of days I have felt a little frustrated. My thoughts are all over the place. I feel like if God is calling us to adopt, I need to be doing something. I'm not quite sure where to start. I can't decide if we are going to do this NOW, or if this is a future plan. I honestly want us to have another baby of our own. So do we continue to try for another pregnancy?
Jason is feeling the same way.
Hopefully soon, we'll look into finding someone at church to counsel with about this.
But for now, I'll share the lyrics to a song I heard on the way to Walmart this morn. Thanks KLove for your perfect timing. Music speaks to me SO often. I've heard this song a hundred times probably , but never really listened to the words.

Casting Crowns : "I'm Already There"

From where I'm standing
Lord it's so hard for me to see
Where this is going
And where You're leading me
I wish I knew how
All my fears and all my questions
Are gonna play out
In a world I can't control

When I'm lost in the mystery
To you my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there

From where You're standing
Lord, You see a grand design
That You imagined
When You breathed me into life
And all the chaos
Comes together in Your hands
Like a masterpiece
of Your picture perfect plan

One day I'll stand before You
And look back on the life I've lived
I can't wait to enjoy the view
And see how all the pieces fit

MUST read books!

Favorite passages from two books I've read since South Africa:

Kisses from Katie- Katie Davis
"People are people. They all need food and water and medicine, but mostly they need love and truth and Jesus. I can do that. We can do that. We can give people food, water, medicine, love, truth, and Jesus. The same God created all of us purpose, which is to serve Him and to love and care for His people. It is universal. We can't do it in our own strength or out of our own resources, but as we follow God to wherever He is leading us, He makes the impossible happen."

"Ever day, we have a choice. We can stay nestled in our safe comfortable places; or we can let fear of something that is really small compared to the greatness of God cripple us. Or we can take a risk, do something to help someone else, make a person smile, change someone's world. Life to the fullest exists. It's available. All we have to do is decide to get up and embrace it."

"Adoption is wonderful and beautiful and the greatest blessing I have ever experienced. Adoption is also difficult and painful. Adoption is a beautiful picture of redemption. It is the Gospel in my living room. And sometimes, it's just hard.
As a parent, it's hard to not know when your daughter took her first steps or what her first word was or what she looked like in kindergarten. It's hard not to know where she slept and whose shoulder she cried on and what the scar on her eyebrow is from. It's hard to know that for ten years yours was NOT the shoulder she cried on and you were not the mommy she hugged.
Adoption is a redemptive response to tragedy that happens in this broken world. And every single day, it is worth it, because adoption is God's heart. His Word says, 'In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasures and will' (Ephesians 1:5).
God accepts me, adores me even, just as I am. And He wants me to accept those without families into my own. Adoption is the reason I can come before God's throne and beg Him for mercy, because He predestined me to be adopted as His child through Jesus, in accordance with his pleasure and will - to the praise of His glorious grace."


Not a Fan: Kyle Idleman
Are you a FAN or a FOLLOWER of Jesus? ... Some of my favorite passages...
"Fans are those who cheer for him (God) when things are going well, but who walk away when it's a difficult season. Fans who sit safely in the stands cheering, but they know nothing of the sacrifice and pain of the field. Fans of Jesus who know all about him, but they don't know him."

"The biggest threat to the church today is fans who call themselves Christians but aren't actually interested in following Christ. They want to be close enough to Jesus to get all the benefits, but not so close that it requires anything from them."

"There is no way to follow Jesus without him interfering with your life. Following Jesus will cost you something. Following Jesus always costs something."

"He is looking for more than words of belief; he's looking to see how those words are lived out in your life. When we decide to believe in Jesus without making a commitment to follow him, we become nothing more than fans."

"When we learn to truly follow Jesus, we find that obedience to God comes from the inside out. Submission to what God wants for our lives flows naturally out of that relationship. It's not to say that what we do or don't do doesn't matter, but what we do or don't do must come from who we are as followers of Jesus."

"Like fans today, they would give their time and attention to following all the religious rituals, but would neglect to show God's love to the people around them, which was the point of the rules in the first place. When laws become more important than love, and rules take precedent over relationships, it's a good sign that we have become fans who are aiming at the wrong target."

"A belief (in Christ), no matter how sincere, if not reflected in reality isn't a belief; it's a delusion."

"It comes down to a personal relationship with Jesus where you know him and are known by him. Jesus identifies his true followers based upon an intimate relationship. What we say and what we do overflows out of the relationship we have with him."

"Jesus has defined the relationship he wants with you. He is not interested in enthusiastic admirers who practice everything in moderation and don't get carried away. He wants completely committed followers."

"If you say to Jesus, 'I will follow you wherever,' you can be sure that where he points will be out of your comfort zone."

Where to begin...

This year has been quite an interesting one. I wanted to begin a blog in order to journal my thoughts, and keep a record of what God is doing in our family.
I'm not a writer and a first-time blogger, so bear with me.
About 8 months ago, I made a quick trip to my hometown for a wedding brunch. There and back, all alone (toddler NOT in tow), the perfect recipe for worship/prayer time (with my Pandora Chris Tomlin station) presented itself. I distinctly remember coming to Jason that night and telling him that God had spoken to me during my travels that day. I clearly felt the Lord was telling me, "Okay, Haley, something is coming up in your future, and you're REALLY gonna have to trust Me, ok? Like, trust Me, in a way you never have before..." I was stumped. I was confused, and I honestly became fearful. Is this something bad, or good? Is this something I want to happen? Is something going to happen to Jason or Anne Riley?... my human/worldly thoughts and worries took over. I was questioning God. I wanted so badly to hear more information about these future plans of His!!! Of course, there was silence.
Now, I will rewind a little... Before Anne Riley was born, we lost a baby at 17 weeks, the day I was hoping to find out the sex of the baby. It was hard. I was devastated. I knew the possibility was there, that it could happen again. And it did... this January, shortly after God had spoken these words over me. Thankfully, the pregnancy didn't last as long as the first miscarriage. So, I thought, ok, God was right, I am trusting in Him through this loss... this must be what He was preparing me for...
A couple of months went by, and the opportunity presented itself for me to go on a mission trip with Restoration Hope to South Africa. I have wanted to go to Africa on missions for years. I talked to Jason about it, and of course he was fully behind it and encouraged me to go. The dates worked out perfectly that my mother, an elementary school teacher, would be out of school for summer break. This would allow for help with Anne Riley.
And like any human being, hesitant thoughts set in. How could I leave Anne Riley, when I've only been away from her for ONE night so far? What if I became pregnant again, and had an emergency while in Africa? See?...more questions and doubting... But deep within, I knew God wanted me to go. He already worked it out, long ago. My family would be fine. He was going to keep me safe. Trust in Him, whose ways are perfect. You can give up 10 days of your normalcy, to give back to your Savior, who has blessed you tremendously. Everything I have is His anyway.
I did go on that trip to South Africa. And here I sit typing, a changed person. As I walked those red dirt roads of Sweetwaters, South Africa and spent time with the kids in the orphanage there, God changed me... "Haley, this is what I want you see... my heart is breaking for these people. I love these children and babies. By My grace, you were placed in a loving Christian home, in a country where you have never gone hungry, and you've had all you've ever needed, and more! If you want to follow me, you have to give it ALL to me. Money, relationships, material things, personal desires... EVERYTHING." I understood quickly how blessed I was, and how easily I could've been one of those dirty, hungry orphans with shoes 2 sizes to big, and tattered clothes. I felt such guilt. But God doesn't bring guilt, he just asks us to share, to love, and to give to the needy. To be like Jesus.
Luke 12:48 "From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked."
Matthew 28:19-20 "Therefore GO and make disciples of ALL nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

And here is the big moment... I am writing this blog because, something within me has been building up for a while now.... Drumroll please...
     It's called ADOPTION. Eeek! I said it.
I've always had an emotional response to adoption, my internal thoughts being... Gosh, what a JOY it must be to hold and love and care for a child who doesn't have parents. I can't imagine having grown up without my Mama and Daddy. I think I could adopt! I think I would love to do that! Wait... are you crazy, Haley?? Seriously? Adoption is expensive. I want to have my own babies. What will everyone think when we tell them we're starting the adoption process? What about the racial aspect of adopting from another country? Believe me, I've thought of it all... Every. Excuse. Where do those excuses and fears come from? ... That's right... Satan

My church, Pinelake, started a challenge for its members, called "Outlive Your Life" a couple of years ago. To outlive our lives: by giving more money than we've ever given, by going/giving of our time to serving others, digging into the Bible more, etc. Our money was going to several Outlive categories, one being adoption. Stories and pictures began rolling in of families adopting, and it would yank my heart up into my throat each time. And whenever I would think about it, I would feel so strongly that I could BE that Mother, getting off the plane, holding my new child from another country. Time went by, and those thoughts never stopped, but they were a bit more distant.
Being in Africa, changed that. The first day of our trip we spent all day at the Tabitha orphanage. I literally held back tears all day. I was more emotional than I've EVER been in my life. I loved those kids, EVERY one. My heart was broken, smashed, turned upside down... but at the same time, my heart overflowed with JOY as I snuggled, hugged, and loved on those precious babies. I imagine that's how our Father feels. I felt God's HEART on that trip. Every night, I would just CRY in the shower. Emotions were raw, as I know they were for all 8 of us on that trip. I had never felt God this way before.
One of my prayers for this trip, was for God to change me, as well as doing His will through serving the people there. For God to show me what He wanted from me. Well, He showed up big time!
I believe that adoption may be one my family's next steps. So, the journey is beginning I think. I'm not sure what lies ahead. I don't know what my future looks like. I know it won't be easy. But I'm putting my trust in Him, and fixing my eyes on Him, and everything will fall into place. He already knows what's coming. All He asks of me is to obey and follow Him on a big adventure, where in the end, I will end up in my forever home, with Him.